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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23921032">Back to You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rememberthismoment/pseuds/rememberthismoment'>rememberthismoment</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>This Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Rookie (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:47:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23921032</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rememberthismoment/pseuds/rememberthismoment</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Don't marry him, Luce."</p><p>She wondered if he could see it. The way every syllable washed over her. Did she flinch? Did her face drop on the outside the way that her heart dropped to her stomach on the inside? Did he see the way her hands started to shake as she gripped onto the countertop? Could he see the confusion turn to shock and the shock turn to anger when she looked at him and he looked so steady and sure?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tim Bradford/Lucy Chen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>This Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1812172</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>130</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Back to You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This idea floated around in my head for days, and I finally found the time to get it written out. Hope you enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She wondered if he could feel it. The weight of his words as they came tumbling out of his mouth in front of her. Did they churn in his gut as he drove to her apartment? Did he want to turn around at every red light he hit the more he thought about what he was going to say? Could he feel bile creeping up the back of his throat with every step he took towards her door? Did his mouth go dry when she opened her door in a half-asleep stupor, with nothing but an oversized t-shirt clothing her body and a messy bun coming unraveled on top of her head? Did his tongue feel heavy at all as he sat on a bar stool at her kitchen island while she offered him something to drink?</p><p>"Don't marry him, Luce."</p><p>She wondered if he could see it. The way every syllable washed over her. Did she flinch? Did her face drop on the outside the way that her heart dropped to her stomach on the inside? Did he see the way her hands started to shake as she gripped onto the countertop? Could he see the confusion turn to shock and the shock turn to anger when she looked at him and he looked so steady and sure?</p><p>"What the hell?" She muttered, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She blinked a few times just to make sure he was really there and that this wasn't some dream. "Tim..." </p><p>"Lucy," he breathed, and the way her name rolled off his tongue made her heart temporarily lose it's normal rythm. She hated that he still had the ability to make her feel this way. "Just..."</p><p>"It is one o'clock in the damn morning, and I am getting married in less than a month." </p><p>"I know."</p><p>Did he? Did he really know? He sure seemed hell bent and determined to change her mind. </p><p>He sat there in front of her, head ducked, with both hands clasped together on the countertop. Lucy could feel panic setting in, and her mouth felt like cotton. She began to frantically pace around her kitchen, opening and closing cabinets in search of a cup. </p><p>"Where are the damn cups? I-I need water." </p><p>"Lucy..."</p><p>Tim was rounding the corner of the island to help her when she threw the last cabinet door shut and it returned with a satisfying and loud thwack. He froze in his spot while she took a deep breath. When she turned to face him, her face was flushed, her breathing was quick, and if he looked hard enough he would see the fresh tears welling up in her eyes.</p><p>"Why? Why are you doing this?" She posed the question, her hand gesturing towards him. "Why now?" </p><p>"I-"</p><p>"You know what? No, don't answer that."</p><p>Her barefeet slapped against the hardwood floor as she made a beeline for the front door, ready to usher him out. When her hand hit the doorknob, he stopped her in her tracks. </p><p>"Look me in the eye, and tell me that you don't feel anything for me anymore." <em>Excuse you?</em> Lucy thought bitterly to herself, and had to bite her tongue to keep from saying it. God, he couldn't just come in here making claims like that. She would always feel something for him. Love, hate, passion, lust, frustration anger, he riled all of it up inside of her. "Look me in the eye, and tell me that you are ready to commit to Emmet for the rest of your life." </p><p>Her body pivoted toward him, arms crossed over her chest and lips pressed in a hard line. He was standing closer now, hands stuffed in his pockets to keep himself from reaching out and touching her. He was bold, but he sure as hell wasn't stupid. </p><p>"You had your chance, Tim," she glowered, piercing him with her eyes. "You had your chance, and you," her finger jutted out and poked him square in the chest, "you didn't want me." </p><p>He shook his head, "that's not true."</p><p>"Oh really," she scoffed, and let out a bitter laugh, "then please, enlighten me, because the last time I checked, you don't sleep with a woman multiple times, and then show up at her door one night and tell her that you can't do it anymore."</p><p>How could she not see it? How did she not know? Tim threw his hands in the air, "I was trying to protect you!" </p><p>Lucy had to hold herself back from standing there with her mouth gaped open. "From what?" She spat, "what the hell did you need to protect me from? I only ever felt safe with you!" </p><p>He rubbed his hands down his face, and let out a guttural noise. "You and Emmet had just broken up for the first time, Lucy! You came to me for comfort, and eventually that comfort turned into sex. You told me you wanted no strings attached which was fine in the beginning, but the longer things kept going the longer you were staying, and I could tell that things had shifted between us!" </p><p>"And you didn't want that! Which was exactly my point to begin with!"</p><p>"Would you let me finish?" He seethed, tired of being cut off. "It wasn't that I didn't want it, it was that it scared the shit out of me! Everything I felt for you, Lucy, I felt in complete extremes! I still do that. It's never halfway with you." </p><p>"And that scares you?" Lucy asked in disbelief, eyebrows raised "I scare you?"</p><p>"<em>You</em> don't scare me, Lucy. My ability to completely lose myself in you scares me. The fact that I love you scares me." He took a brief pause to catch his breath. She hadn't missed the way he had switched to present tense. "Listen, I didn't want to hurt you, and if we kept going the way we were, I knew that I probably would."</p><p>"But you did though, you know that right?" She asked, her voice low now, anger replaced with pain. "You still hurt me." </p><p>"I know," he mumbled, with a nod of his head. He raked his hand through his hair, and looked back up at her. Lucy noticed that his eyes were wet. "It's what I do. Hell, I am doing it right now by being here."</p><p>She wasn't going to deny him of that fact, but she chose to not speak on it. Instead, she gave a curt nod and then fixed her eyes to the floor. A silence fell between them for the first time that night. It was stiff and uncomfortable, something she hadn't felt with him since the first couple of weeks as his rookie. So much had happened between them in the three years that followed. </p><p>"Here," the rustling of paper in his jacket pocket caught her attention and she looked up at him. His hand pulled out a white envelope, embossed with a familiar caligraphy. He turned her wedding invite over in his hands a couple of times before holding it out for her to take. "I don't think I can be there." </p><p>"Tim, don't do this," she warned, refusing to take it from him. He let out a sigh and threw it on the counter top next to him instead. "Are you serious?" </p><p>"Lucy, you don't want me there." </p><p>"I do though," she pleaded, "you're important to me!" </p><p>"You're important to me too. Too important," he emphasized, and a stray tear rolled down her cheek. Seeing her broken like this made him wish he had never shown up here in the first place. "Listen, I want you to be happy, Lucy, and if you are truly happy, then marry him. I just can't be there to watch it happen, not when I feel the way I do."</p><p>"Right, okay then." She drew her lips in, and brushed her hand over the top of her scalp. "I think maybe you should go now." </p><p>"Okay," he whispered, and she could hear the strain in his voice, "I will go."</p><p>That night, Lucy watched Tim walk out her door and two weeks later she showed up at his. Her hair was a mess from the way she had half hazardly thrown it together before she made her way over, and her cheeks were stained red from the tears she had cried in her car. </p><p>She could feel it. The weight of her words before they came tumbling out of her mouth. Her mouth went dry when he opened his door in a half-asleep stupor. She could feel the way her heart sped up as he stood there in front of her in a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt that he was still working on pulling over his chest. Her tongue felt heavy.</p><p>"Lucy?" He questioned, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He blinked once, and then twice, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. </p><p>"I broke off the wedding," she choked out, "I-I love you, Tim. I couldn't do it." </p><p>She could see it. The way every syllable washed over him. The way his face dropped, and she had to wonder if his heart dropped to his stomach too. She could see the way his hands began to shake, and one of them gripped the door handle to hold himself steady. She could see the confusion turn to realization, the realization turn to shock, and the shock turn to awe. </p><p>And then he pulled her in and he kissed her, and she wondered if he could see them. Could he see the stars? Did he feel it? Did he feel the way her heart beat wildly for him? </p><p>It was everything. </p>
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